"The more one forgets himself, the more human he is." - Viktor Frankl

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Moments ago, a homeless woman followed me from my car to the front door of the coffee shop.
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And honestly, it was a little creepy.
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I guess I’m not a saint after all (who knew), because when I saw her — teeth missing, hair falling out, muddy clothes not changed in weeks — my first instinct was to put my head down and walk faster.
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“Do you have any spare change?”
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“No, I’m sorry. I don’t carry change.”
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“Are you sure? Can you check your pockets?”
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“Yes, I’m sure.”
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“Can you buy me a cookie?”
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“Yes, I’ll grab one for you and bring it out here. Do you want anything else?”
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​Her eyes light up.
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​Without a word, she barrels past me into the coffee shop, cuts to the front of the line, orders a cookie — and an orange juice — and then looks at back at me, waiting.
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I look at the barista apologetically.
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“I’ll pay for it.”
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She snatches the cookie and the juice out of the barista’s hands, turns, and speed-walks out the door as though she’s afraid I’ll change my mind.
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I order a flat white, pay, and sit down at an open table next to the window.
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And, hilariously, the first thought through my mind is:
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“She didn’t even say thank you.”
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Hahaha.
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(As I write this, she just came back in and walked past my table without looking at me or saying a word — and now, I shit you not, she’s shaking down another dude at the counter. Can’t knock the hustle.)
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​It was a good reminder of what happens when we’re going through something difficult:
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​Our vision narrows until all we can see is our own problems, and we’re so focused on solving them we don’t have space to consider other people.
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The example of the homeless woman is, obviously, an extreme one.
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But I’ve seen this pattern in everyone from myself to close friends and family to successful founders who are going through a thorny period.
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​The thornier it gets, the more we tend to:
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• Talk about ourselves rather than asking others how they’re doing
• Ask for things without giving in return
• Fail to offer gratitude when someone helps us, because we’re already thinking about the next layer of our problem
• Become quietly convinced that our problems are the most serious ones in the room

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Hell, I nearly ignored a starving homeless woman earlier because I was creeped out and in a rush.
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It’s not because we’re “bad people.”
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It’s because we’re people.
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And people go through shit.
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Profound, I know — but it’s worth remembering the next time someone is acting self-absorbed, and we find ourselves grumbling about it.
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Especially if that someone is us.
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​One final thought:
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​Have you ever noticed that the most outwardly giving people — the people who ask about your life when you talk to them — who do spontaneous favors, and give genuinely thoughtful gifts — who never forget your birthday — who clean the kitchen after you make dinner — who always ask how you’re doing...
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Are almost always happier, and less controlled by their own problems, than people who don’t?
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Maybe that’s the big secret, after all:
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To stop thinking so much about our own problems, and start thinking about others instead.
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- T
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P.S. Reminds me of this classic…​
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